Jerk

I've never had too much success with taxi cabs, swearing them off at one point in time. Tonight reminded me why.

This evening I got a message from my boss saying he would get into Newark at 9:00. That was cool; I always pick up the rental car, and I could pick him up. I left him a message saying that I was getting in at 10:30. Unfortunately, he thought I said 7:30. By the time I got in, he had already gotten a rental car. That meant I had to catch a cab.

When I got in the line, I told the lady that I was going to Mt. Olive. $81.00, fine. While I was watching the guy in front of me, his cab driver got out and got his bags for him. Mine did not. Okay... So I got in the cab.

I seriously don't mean this to be derogatory, but have you ever talked to a mentally retarded person? You know how they talk in grunts? That was connection with my cab driver. If I concentrate, I can normally talk with most anyone who speaks any semblance of English. Not in this case. At one point it took me three tries to realize he was saying "Exit 26".

I was about a half a mile out of the airport when I asked him, "You take credit card, right?"

"No credit card." He plus over.

Okay, I apologize, I thought you all took credit card. I don't have any cash. What do I need to do?

"No credit card."

I'm sorry, I don't have cash. What do I need to do?

"No credit card. Airport has ATM."

Okay, I didn't know. What do I need to do?

"Hotel has ATM."

I'm sorry, I don't think the hotel has an ATM.

"Yes, hotel has ATM."

At this point he started driving again. I had no clue what was going to happen. So I used 411 to call the hotel. They said they could front me the money. Problem averted.

What actually governs the speed of a cab driver? The speed limit was a constant 65 MPH, but the driving speed varied from 46 to 93 MPH. Add to this erratic lane changes. I just wanted to get to the hotel. When we did, I ran in and got the $81.00. I gave it to him, and he counted.

Is that good?

"No, no tip."

I wanted to strangle the man.